Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween III (1983): A Really Crappy Halloween Movie For Us All
























Let's celebrate Halloween by paying tribute not to John Carpenter's 1978 classic film of the same title, but to its second sequel, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which just may be the worst piece of shit to ever come out of a horror franchise.

First, let's begin with a little history. At the end of Halloween II, Michael Myers, the iconic killer of the series, is apparently blown to smithereens, along with his arch-foe, the heroic Dr. Loomis. For the next sequel, the producers, in a typically brilliant bit of Hollywood decision-making, decided to completely scrap the Michael Myers character (i.e. the whole reason the series was popular in the first place), and go in an entirely different direction. They decided that with each new Halloween movie, they'd tell an entirely different scary story with all new characters.

An interesting idea, in theory...except that when Halloween III was released, no one knew what the hell was going on. There was no Michael Myers, no Laurie Strode, no Sam Loomis. Instead, horror fans got this hackneyed story about some toymaker who wants to kill trick-or-treaters. There was no relation to the first two films whatsoever, and fans were absolutely pissed. Not surprisingly, the movie bombed and the filmmakers returned to the old Michael Myers well for the fourth installment, and every one thereafter.

Maybe audiences would have been able to get past all the confusion if the film were actually, you know, good. Unfortunately, it's just gawdawful. The plot centers around this crazy old toymaker who hatches this plot to kill thousands of little kids on Halloween (whatta guy) and replace them with robotic clones (???). To carry out this plot, he manufactures these weird masks that, when put on and then prompted by this really annoying TV commercial, crush the skull of whoever is wearing it. What a bastard.

I mean, there's fun bad taste, like the Evil Dead movies, and then there's just plain old bad taste, like a movie that seemingly takes great joy in showing us little kids getting offed in terrible ways by evil pumpkin masks. Who in God's name ever thought people would find this shit entertaining? It's just awful, mean-spirited stuff.

And that mask commercial that plays throughout the whole movie, the one that sends out the signal to the mask to do the job on the little kids? Oh lord. It's the most annoying thing I've ever heard in my life, and it plays over and over again. Once it starts playing, you'll want to put on one of those killer masks yourself so you can just end the misery of watching this abomination of a movie.

Well, there you have it, maybe the worst sequel to ever come out of any franchise, ever, and yes, that includes Scary Movie 2. Before I go, though, I'll let the good people at Silver Shamrock wish you a great Halloween night. Prepare to have this song ingrained in your head for the next month. Watch the Magic Pumpkin, bitches!




Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Right Kind Of Halloween Movie

One of my favorite Halloween pastimes is gathering a bunch of friends together and watching a bunch of scary movies. People laugh, people scream, some nerd (i.e. me) points out what's going to happen next, then gets a beer bottle tossed at his dome...it's just a jolly good time when you get a big group of people together to watch some scary movies. Of course, you have to be careful to get the right kind of scary movie for these little shindigs.

Let me explain with a little example from my past. One Halloween quite a few years back, a couple of friends and I rented three classic scary films: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist, and Halloween. We had all seen Halloween, which is essentially an All Hallow's Eve staple, but none of us had ever seen the other two movies. We were just charged up for some scares and some fun.

TCM was the first film we watched, and it lived up to our expectations, and then some. For those who haven't seen it, it's one of the most insane movie experiences ever. It's absolutely the perfect movie to watch at a Halloween party. It's got scares, it's funny, it's totally over the top, and we just ate it up. We were yelling and throwing food at the TV...just laughin' it up, having a great time. I remember my friend's mom walking in on us as we were just howling at the notorious "Grandpa" scene, one of the film's more bizarre moments (which is really saying something); she must have thought we were completely insane. To this day, it's one of my fondest memories.

The next movie we put in was The Exorcist, and we pretty much expected the same kind of thing. Boy, were we ever wrong. It was a complete contrast to the all-out wild horror of TCM. Whereas in that film every single moment was rife for rowdiness (a maniac runs around chasing people with a chainsaw and squealing like a pig...c'mon now!), during our viewing of The Exorcist you could hear a pin drop in that room. It was as if all the fun had just been completely sucked out of Halloween. Thanks a lot, William Friedkin.

Don't get me wrong, The Exorcist is a great film. It's just that it really isn't a good Halloween movie, because when you watch a movie on Halloween, you should really be enjoying yourself while being scared. The Exorcist is scary, for sure, but watching a film with deep themes about regaining one's lost faith and battling your own inner demons as well as a real one isn't really, er, fun. It's a classic movie, but it's also hard to watch (I'm certainly not in any hurry to watch it again) , and we're supposed to be having a good time here.


















Ah, Leatherface...you brought us the perfect Halloween movie.

So tomorrow don't just go out and get any scary movie; get one that's scary and fun. Don't get caught up pondering Father Karras's inner torment like we did that night. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is, I'd say, the granddaddy of great Halloween films, but I'd also recommend any in the Evil Dead series, the original Nightmare on Elm Street, Shaun of the Dead, Scream, or Fright Night, as I talked about yesterday. These are all films that can scare you but retain some semblance of camp value that makes them really fun to watch.

Stay away from stuff like Rosemary's Baby, Blair Witch Project, or, as sacreligious as it may seem, the original Halloween. They're fine movies (Halloween is a borderline masterpiece...I'm not knocking it), but, like The Exorcist, they're all slow paced and rely on a slow buildup to get the scares. They'll scare the shit out of you, but they aren't great for watching with a bunch of revved up partygoers.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Fright Night (1985)
























With Halloween two nights away, I now have the chance to rave about one of the most underrated scare flicks of all time, 1985's Fright Night, directed by Tom Holland and starring William Ragsdale, Roddy McDowall, and Chris Sarandon. Fright Night was one of the best horror films of the '80's, and boasted some eye-popping (and strange) special effects. Unfortunately, its greatness has been somewhat forgotten, lost in the deluge of bad slasher flicks from that decade.

The film centers around Charley Brewster (Ragsdale), a horror film junkie who begins to suspect that his new next door neighbor, Jerry Dandridge (Sarandon, brother of Susan), is a vampire (apparently the fangs, coffins, and the fact that he kills topless women in front of open windows are a huge tip-off). When Jerry comes after Charley and tries to seduce his girlfriend to the side of the bloodsuckers, Charley enlists the help of his childhood hero, the veteran horror film star and famed vampire-killer Peter Vincent (McDowall).

Fright Night works so well because it features the usual vampire conventions but sticks them in a modern day setting, with a protagonist who we can relate to. He's just a normal dude stuck in a really horrific situation. Charley is just a typical high school kid: he's failing math, he's having girlfriend problems, he can't get laid... Of course, it just so happens that he has a vampire living next door, and the vampire is killing hookers in plain sight and now it wants him dead. Remember when you were in high school? What if you had all of those old worries about the opposite sex and books and pimples and then suddenly you realized that on top of all that you had a fucking vampire after you...well, what would you do in that situation, for pete's sake?

Fortunately, Charley is a huge fan of old, crummy vampire flicks (this is a big in-joke, as the film essentially plays as one big homage to the old Hammer horror films of the 1960's), and he's schooled in the ways of killing vampires. Once he enlists McDowall's help, it sets up a wonderfully scary and funny second half, in which all of the basic elements of the vampire flick (garlic, wooden stakes, crucifixes...to name a few) are creatively utilized and updated, in a way, to humorously fit the modern day.

Fright Night's major asset is that it plays very tongue-in-cheek throughout. It's definitely scary at times (Sarandon's vampire makeup is pretty terrifying), but it never for a second takes itself too seriously, and has sprinkles of subtle humor throughout. It balances the line between humor and horror very nicely, never going too over-the-top, even in the moments where it gets a bit hammy (i.e. whenever the Evil Ed character walks onscreen).

Even the special effects, while terrific, (and done by Richard Edlund, who also worked on PCMR Top Ten masterpiece Ghostbusters), always seem to be slightly cheesy, but not so much so that they can ruin a truly frightening moment. The scene in which one of the vampires turns into a wolf and attacks McDowall's character is amazing to watch. It's one of the most convincing (and strange) special effects sequences you'll ever see, yet at the same time it plays deliciously over-the-top. A scene in which Dandridge attacks Charley in his room has a similar tone.

Two characters stand out in the film: McDowall as Peter Vincent,
and Sarandon, as the vampire. The big joke about Peter Vincent is that when we first hear of him, he's this legendary, fearless vampire killer, who has "seen vampires in all their forms" and has won out every time. All vampires are supposed to be afraid of him. Yet when Charley goes to him for help, Vincent doesn't believe him for a second. When he later realizes that there really is a vampire, and the vampire is coming for him, Vincent is revealed to basically be a big coward. The scene in which Vincent finds out the truth behind Dandridge is beautifully set up, with Vincent instantaneously turning from a fearless ghoul hunter into a bumbling, scared old man.

Sarandon is also awesome as the head vampire. He's the consummate master of the night: he's charming, suave, and everybody loves him at first (except Charley, of course). He seems like the perfect next-door neighbor, one of those people who is just impossible not to like. Then in the blink of an eye he grows fangs and claws and starts throwing people through windows. Totally badass.

Fright Night, in a way, can be regarded as sort of a spiritual precursor to Scream. Most of the characters are attuned to the vampire legend, they know the warning signs that a vampire may be living next door and, when the shit hits the fan, they know how to kill the damned thing. It's definitely a self-aware horror film, long before those became popular in the late-90's, only it's referencing old vampire movies instead of slasher flicks.

Fright Night was one of the greatest horror films to come out of the 1980's, and it's a shame that it's not remembered more than it is, because it's truly a classic. It's a wonderful, inspired piece of filmmaking, one that I would argue is so well done that it transcends the horror genre to the point where anybody, not just fans of scary movies, can enjoy it. When people think of 1980's horror, they immediately think of Freddy and Jason, which is too bad, because this film is far superior to any entry in either of those series. So this Halloween, instead of watching some bad 00's remake or Friday The 13th for the umpteenth time, pop in this unheralded classic. It's funny, scary...hell, it even has an 80's night club fight scene to rival The Terminator's.